People will never live up to your expectations. If you expect your pastor, parents or friends to be what challenges you spiritually you may be disappointed. Some pastors, parents and friends will challenge you…I’ve had great experiences in all these areas, but not 100% of the time.

THE BIG BUT >> God will never disappoint you! Even in times when I have felt like God was silent he’s been moving and pushing me in ways that I didn’t understand. If you focus your attention on God you may realize that the expectations that you placed on your pastor, parents and friends were well intentioned but misplaced. Hopefully you will also realize that when they don’t meet your expectations you have a great opportunity (or even responsibility) to be an encouragement to them!

WARNING SIGNS OF UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS…
 
…of your Pastor: When you find yourself complaining that your pastor doesn’t “challenge” you, or the classic “I’m not being fed.” Maybe you’ve gotten to the place in you walk with God that you need to feed yourself and God has a BIGGER challenge for you. Solution: Look to God to “Feed” and “Challenge” you and either get on board with the direction your pastor is going or get out of the way.

…of your Parents: When you blame them for where you’ve ended up in life. You may have extreme circumstances, but eventually you have to take your own credit for your own actions.

…of your Friends: I guess if you are complaining about your friends then either you or they aren’t really friends. Sure they’ll make you mad along the way, but real friends are sticky.  So I guess the real question is, “Are YOU really being THEIR friend?”

IMPROVE AS A PASTOR, PARENT & FRIEND

Communicate Expectations Clearly >> Don’t just say what you expect of others but allow them to know what they can expect from you.

Don’t Avoid Accountability >> Don’t avoid accountability from those around you. Allow for the open/responsive communication that is appropriate for each of these roles.

Be Transparent >> While following politics we find that transparency is hard to find, this can’t be the case in developing healthy, trusting relationships.

Tamed or Equipped

 

One of my favorite quotes is in chapter one of In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. (I’m glad he gave a shorter title to his newest book Primal) The quote isn’t from Mark Batterson but Antione de Saint-Exupery: “You are responsible forever for what you have tamed.“ 

 

This is a very challenging/humbling statement for any leader. When I think of something that is tamed, I think of cages and/or lap dogs. Not exactly what I envision for those that God has entrusted me to lead. There are definitely areas within any man’s life that needs taming: our tongues, sinful, selfish and lustful desires, anger, etc. These are things that we can see the Holy Spirit take care of through personal discipleship, accountability, bible study, scripture memory, basically any corporate or private disciplines.

 

What about that part of our heart that wants to wildly pursue and serve God? As a pastor, I wonder how many times I may have tamed this area of someone’s heart. Whether through actions, words, lack of follow up, I could be unintentionally or intentionally taming people that aren’t mine to tame.

 

This thought has really led me to ask myself two hard questions about what we do as a ministry.

 

1) Am I taming or equipping people? As a pastor or teacher I’m responsible for equipping the body to build the church. Ephesians 4:12 

     Not everyone will find their fit within our ministries, some may need to be equipped for a future ministry, some sent out to new places for missions and church planting. Am I holding on to (caging) people whose places may be elsewhere.

     Our pastor said recently, “God takes our best and puts them on the mission field.” This can’t be true if we aren’t willing to let go and send those who God is calling.

 

2) Do our systems challenge people to conform or become? Having people buy into your system is a great thing, but sometimes people (along with ourselves) get so caught up in the system we forget the goal. We want followers of Christ, sold out to the Gospel, not people addicted to or caught up in our process. 

 

How do I equip? It is easier to equip when you are committed to listening. Everyone is unique and your best leaders need your discerning ear to hear what God has put on their heart.

 

How do I challenge people to become? I’m committed to challenging people to go where God wants them, not necessarily where I need them (it is awesome when those two things are the same). We need people to stop asking themselves “How do I fit in here?” and start asking God “Where are you shaping me to fit?”

 

 

“Leaders are born and made.”

Their are things that God wires us for. Some of us to lead large groups of people, and some run behind the scenes and get things set up, torn down and all the technical details taken care of. How are you wired? In whatever leadership capacity you hold, maybe God has made you for that or given you the gifts and skills to be great or good at what you do. Throughout history you see the example of people who God has made “for such a time as this.” However, just being born with special abilities (gifts or talents), doesn’t make you excel as a leader. 

Aubrey Malphurs in his book Being Leaders looks at some things that all of us can focus on as God grows our influence, things that can help us sharpen our skills as Christian Leaders.

1. Character – This is the foundation of Christian Leadership. We should always be evaluating the innermost details of our lives to be sure that we can lead with a “true heart.” (Psalm 78:72)

2. Knowledge – At a conference a couple years ago, I remember being challenged to always stay current with what you are doing. We should stay on the cutting edge of our trade, this is only going to sharpen our knowledge and allow us to push beyond the self made barrier of status quo.

3. Skills – Even the best players on the team show up for practice (unless you are some over-paid pro athlete). The best thing that we can do is practice what we are good at and also the things that we aren’t good at so that we can always be improving.

4. Emotions – I struggle with this one. Emotion is the first thing that happens all the time, we can’t help getting our feelings hurt, we hear sad news, we hear great news, emotions are first. Acting upon emotion is what we can control.

Sharpening these capabilities coupled with the way that God has wired us will help us be more capable leaders.

Well do it now: Jonah 4 – http://www.youversion.com/bible/nlt/jonah/4/1

I think most of us know the story. God sends Jonah to Nineveh to tell them to repent. Jonah refuses to go because he doesn’t like the people in Nineveh. Jonah was swallowed by a fish, repented, then he fulfilled his mission and the Ninevites repented.

There have been countless times in my very short time of serving God that I have found myself in a similar situation. Pouting about not getting my way (never to the point that I would rather die, yet). Going to sleep with a negative spirit only to wake up to the promise that "God makes all things new!" I realize that the times I don’t get my way, I should be shouting out with great joy that God is on His throne doing the things that He wants. There are a lot of lessons in this short passage… I’m going to highlight a few (and maybe do them justice).

Avoid the "why me?" mentality. If God has chosen you to do something you don’t like, you should be honored. Easy to say and write, really hard to practice.

Love people at all times. Never forget that God’s Word had the power to change people’s life, no matter where you are or where they are. 

God’s lessons come when we are considerably uncomfortable. OK this one is a little bit of a stretch in the passage. God is kinda humorous here. What is thought at first to be a help to Jonah (the plant) turns into a great object lesson that only God can do.